You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
