Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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