I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
