can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
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