i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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