i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
