I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
