then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
