If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
