i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
