If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
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