So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I am midnight drunk by noon
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
