my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
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