I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
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