Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
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