You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
