she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
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