good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
