It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
My first STD was from a foam party
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
