Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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