it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
