I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Randomize
