Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
