Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
