My liver just broke up with me...
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Randomize
