and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
