i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Randomize
