Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
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