I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
sarcasm needs its own font
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
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