he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Terrible idea I love it
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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