Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
You can't just leave with hair like that
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
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