it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
