I must be too annoying 4 u.
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
