she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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