your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
