I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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