batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
