toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
