I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Randomize
