last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Randomize
