i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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