I think my fart just growled at me.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
