What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
