Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
