so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Randomize
