is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Randomize
