Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
