Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
