SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
