I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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